Posted by Johnnie
It was very satisfying, in a twisted way, to be ranting about Microsoft again the other day. It’s been too long. It was even more satisfying, though, to discover that we won. Stick that in your proprietary codec and smoke it.
The title of the post, by the way, comes from the Q&A session with Microsoft lawyer Brad Smith.
Posted by Johnnie
I’m writing this from one of the public-access terminals at my local library. It’s a thin client system, which needless-to-say runs Windows XP and Internet Explorer 6. Gah!
Every two minutes, the system tray pops up a balloon to helpfully tell me that A Java update is available. Apparently I also have unused icons on my desktop – click here to clean them up. Every three minutes, that one.
Finally, the most annoying Helpful Windows Prompt™ of all time, Your computer needs to be restarted in order for the new updates to take effect. Restart now? No, Windows! Don’t restart now, thank you very much! In fact, don’t restart at all. As I’m not logged on as an administrator, I don’t have the privileges to restart anyway, so if I clicked the restart button, you’d just tell me I couldn’t. You know it, and I know it, so stop bugging me! Goddam it! Every five accursed minutes!
God, this site looks fugly on IE, doesn’t it? Sorry about that, those who are forced by circumstance to use The Cancer Of The Internet. Those who do so by choice have earned my eternal hatred. I’m not going to fix it – I spend far too much of my life making websites work under IE.
Oh, for heaven’s sake. The restrictions on this computer are crazy. I just tried to open up a second IE window to grab some urls for this post. Apparantly This operation has been cancelled due to restrictions in effect on this computer. Are you kidding me? Two browser windows is too much anarchy for you? Give me a break.
Ah-ha! I’ve just remembered – I’ve got Portable Firefox on a USB stick in my bag. Happy browsing here we come … nope. Can’t use external storage either.
Bollocks to it. I’m going home. There’s a *nix box with my name on it.
Posted by Johnnie
Suggestion for the Peperami marketing people: you have a product which consists of a long, cylindrical, extremely phallic stick of pink meat. You may find your sales increase if you do not package this product in a wrapper which looks, feels and (most importantly) unwraps exactly like a condom. You may also want to consider an alternative to the rather condom-like plastic wrapping that surrounds every peparami, and which one has to unroll in a condom-like fashion in order to slip the meaty goodness into one’s mouth.
Is it just me, or is it hot in here?
Posted by johnnie
Seriously now, who is this wanker? A guy by the name of Stewart Kirkpatrick (yes, Mr K, I’m using your name, so if you’ve just got here by ego-searching, then welcome to the rant) wrote an article for The Scotsman Online about machinima.
It’s pish. Totally un-researched, painfully over-simplified patronising nonsense. The writer has a wearily ironic sense of sense of self-deprecation. In fact, he’s generous enough to sugest that (where he not lucky enough to have a girlfriend), he himself could have joined the ranks of nerds and social outcasts that spend their time pointlessly creating this stupid “machinima” thing. Wow! I feel like I really identify with him now! He’s like me, except attractive and sucessful! Maybe he’s even had sex! I wonder what that’s like? Mr Kirkpatrick, even though you have a great name that’s made by combining two Enterprise captains, I’m going to have to withdraw your Geek membership card. And what, exactly, is machinima, according to the gospel of Kirkpatrick? The wikipedia definition, apparantly, is
... a classic Wikipedia definition in that it uses lots of words but doesn’t actually answer your question. “
Thankfully, Mr Kirkpatrick is here to reduce the big words from wikipedia into easy language that even morons such as you or I could understand.
Put simpy, machinima is dubbing sound onto scenes from computer games for dramatic effect.